Choices, history, and the future

I thought this was a humble title for tonight’s blog. Sorry for the extreme length, but I really needed to say all these things.

First, choices. Why did I save the 2 toughest courses, EVER, to take in 1 semester? I hate it when people procrastinate. But, I’ve became a pro at it throughout college! On a lighter note of choices, I just saw a geek win a million bucks on 1 vs 100. That was pretty awesome!
Back to the downside of choices… THINK BEFORE YOU ACT people. One little choice can effect the rest of your life, and the lives of thousands of others. Most of you know what I’m talking about. I’ve lost a dear friend, who was more than a friend to me for MANY years, 5 months ago. It’s hard to believe it’s been that long, but my heart has been broken since. All because of a reckless choice and a choice of place to hang out. A great person, seriously, lost to a young person’s recklessness. Will justice ever be served? I hope so, but we all know how the criminal system works.

Ok, think to yourself: Who is that ONE person you can call when you are happy, sad, disappointed, or just plain pissed off? The one who will ALWAYS answer no matter WHERE they are. They would never dream of ‘ignoring’ your call. Got it??

My ONE person was Adam. No matter what happened, or how it happened he listened and gave me his honest ‘get your head out of your ass’ opinion. Whatever words he had to offer would always inspire me to make the right choice. So now, I’m kind of back into my ‘old life’ from before I met him. We met in August 1999 for the first time. Yes, 11 years ago. We started dating the next year in 2000. After that we were best friends for life. Even through all the hard times, we were each other’s ‘rock’. Sounds odd, but is very true. He’d drop everything just to help me out. I’d do the same for him.

That was a bit of history, and I have a bit more.

Today Addy & I went on a little ‘roadtrip’. We visited Adam’s Mom & Sister and saw the great tribute to him. A lake & cabin. He always wanted his own lake, he loved to fish.

After that, we visited my cousin and his family, my brother, and my Grandma. Also very nice. On the way home, I decided to stop by the cemetery to ‘see’ my Grandpa. Death has been a VERY hard subject for me over the past 2 years. When Grandpa died 2 years ago in November, Adam was the one who held my pieces together. Even though we weren’t in a relationship anymore he sat beside me, held my hand, and handed me Kleenex when I needed them. A genuinely nice person.

For those of you who don’t know, my Grandpa is my hero. He taught me everything I know when I was very young. He read books to me, watched me do puppet shows in the living room, helped me grow a 400 pound pumpkin, set up my very first business (a veggie stand out front), he walked me down the aisle when Adam & I married, and he held my hand when things started to crumble. My Grandpa was also one of the greatest men I have EVER met. EVER. He used to drive 30 minutes to pick me up from my house after school, he made me laugh, and brought a great deal of happiness to my life.

In 1990 when my grandpa had brain surgery I was right there beside him. He spent his birthday in the hospital recovering and I brought him an electric screwdriver as a gift. In 1992 when he had open heart surgery, I was right there too. I had a special stuffed animal, and he went to surgery too. His name was DJ. He also had his tonsils taken out when I did, went through open heart surgery with my grandma, and later he was buried with my Grandpa. All I have besides memories is an old rocking chair my Grandpa gave me. I won’t let anyone sit in it. When I need somewhere to collect my thoughts that is where I go. I was so sad when Grandpa passed away and my baby would never get to meet him, or know his silly math problems. My favorite was the one he always told: If you have $100 and want to buy 100 head of livestock what will you buy? I can never remember the prices of the cow, so I can’t solve the problem. I had it figured out by age 5, and many adults never figured it out. Grandpa wasn’t a genius, but he was also an amazing man. I realized today how much I miss him. As an adult we even played the crazy 8 card game together. They say things will get easier after a loss of someone you love. I’m not buying it. My life has been nothing but tough since November 2008. I’ve lost 2 people in my life that were most important to me. Maybe someday my heart will heal, only time will tell.
The future= unknown.
~Ashley

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